This post was originally published on Substack on February 20, 2025. I’m sharing it here for my blog readers who may have missed it.
Have you ever felt like you were losing your identity?
You looked in the mirror and realized you no longer recognize the woman staring back at you?
You see the same eyes, the same face, but it’s like a part of you has faded.
And when you stop to think about it, it’s no wonder.
You’ve spent years filling so many roles—giving them the best of your time and energy. Raising your children. Caring for aging parents. Managing your home. Juggling work…
The list is long, and somehow, you always end up at the bottom.
At first, you don’t even notice it happening. You tell yourself it’s just a busy season, that you’ll find time for yourself later. But later never comes.
And then one day, you wake up and realize you don’t even know what you want anymore.
What brings you joy? What makes you feel alive? Who are you, beyond the roles you fill?
The silence that follows those questions is louder than you expected.
So you sit with the silence, waiting for an answer that doesn’t come. And that’s when the ache sets in—not just for what’s been lost, but for the parts of yourself you’re not even sure how to find again.
But here’s the truth: You were never meant to disappear into the roles you carry.
You Are More Than the Roles You’ve Played
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of defining yourself by what you do.
For so long, you’ve been “Mom,” “Caregiver,” “Wife,” “Daughter,” or the dependable person everyone counts on. And while those roles are a beautiful part of your journey, they were never meant to be your whole identity.
I know this feeling all too well.
I’m a mom of five. I spent 13 years as a caregiver for my grandfather (he was 101 when he passed away). My husband works long hours and travels constantly.
At one point, I was looking after the kids, taking care of my grandpa, managing all the household responsibilities AND trying to run a thriving full-time business.
I did the best that I could, but I’ll be honest—I was burning out fast.
It eventually got to the point where I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to for my family OR my business. And that’s when I was faced with a difficult decision:
Do I keep pushing through, hoping I can figure it all out, or do I lighten the load?
Ultimately, I chose the latter. But that meant giving up the ONE thing I was doing for ME.
I was devastated. I felt like I had nothing left for myself. And because I had aligned myself so closely with what I was doing… I felt like I lost myself.
I had spent so many years defining myself by what I did, by who needed me and by how much I could give, that when the doing stopped, I no longer knew who I was.
It wasn’t just about losing a business. It was deeper than that. It was realizing that, somewhere along the way, I had forgotten how to be me.
I had spent so much time showing up for everyone else that I no longer knew how to show up for myself.
Maybe you’ve felt that too. Maybe you’ve poured so much into your family, your job, your responsibilities, that you’ve lost sight of the woman underneath it all.
But here’s the truth: You are more than what you do.
Your value isn’t found in how much you accomplish or how well you take care of others. Your worth isn’t tied to your productivity, your title, or the roles you fill.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made—seen, known, and created with love by the One who formed you with intention.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
— Psalm 139:13-14
The real YOU isn’t gone. She’s still there, waiting to be rediscovered.
Finding Your Way Back After Losing Your Identity
So where do you start? How do you begin to reconnect with the woman you’ve lost touch with?
The good news is, this isn’t about making drastic changes or adding more to your plate.
It’s an invitation to reflect and to explore.
It’s about creating space to remember who you are—not as a role you fill, but as a person.
Here are three simple but powerful ways to begin that journey:
1. Reflect on Who You Were Before Life Got Busy
Think back to a time when you felt the most like yourself. Before you were a mother, a wife, a caregiver—before responsibilities took over:
- What brought you joy when you were younger?
- What lit you up before life got busy?
- What did you dream about before responsibilities took center stage?
Those parts of you aren’t gone—they may just be waiting to be rediscovered. Even if life looks different now, pieces of who you were still matter.
2. Get Curious About What Makes You Feel Like You
As you move through your days, start paying attention to what stirs something inside you:
- What moments make you feel most alive?
- What do you get lost in, even if only for a few minutes?
- When do you feel a sense of this is me?
You don’t need a perfect answer right away. Just start noticing. Sometimes the first step to finding yourself again is simply allowing yourself to wonder.
3. Reconnect with Your Identity in Christ
Instead of asking What should I be doing?, shift the question to Who does God say I am?
- What truths does Scripture speak about your identity?
- How does God see you, apart from any roles or titles?
- What would it look like to embrace who you are in Him, rather than what you do?
When you see yourself through God’s eyes, it becomes easier to let go of the false identities you’ve carried and step into the truth of who He created you to be.
Where to Go From Here
Rediscovering yourself isn’t about undoing the past—it’s about making space for you in the present.
You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Just start with small steps. A moment of reflection. A whisper of curiosity. A shift in how you see yourself.
Because the woman you’ve been searching for? She’s still there. And you are worthy of finding her again.
But you don’t have to do it alone.
That’s why Her Second Chapter exists—to walk this journey with you. To help you rediscover who God created you to be, rekindle the dreams and purpose that may have felt lost, and deepen your faith in a way that transforms your everyday life.
With love and belief in you,
